Kenyan author Hildah Lumati has spoken openly about her decision to wait until marriage before having sex, saying her upbringing and strong personal boundaries influenced the choice.
Lumati shared her experience during an interview on Dr. Ofweneke TV, where she explained that she was raised in a strict African household.
She said her parents were firm and intentional in instilling discipline, respect and traditional values. Growing up, she was exposed to village life to help her understand cultural expectations and the importance of family roots.
She noted that this upbringing shaped her character and how she views relationships and marriage. According to Hildah, many families raise children in urban settings without grounding them in traditional values, which later causes challenges when couples try to balance city life with cultural responsibilities, such as visiting rural homes.
“I grew up in a stable home with strict African parents. I was brought up in a home where dad said do this and don’t do that; he meant business. They made sure we encountered village life to ensure we knew what it took to stay in the village. That is one thing that shaped my character as a woman,” Hildah stated.
Adding
” We have parents who have raised children in the city. When people get married, trying to balance city and village life becomes difficult, and you see wives refusing to visit their husbands’ upcountry homes.”
The author said she learned early on the importance of setting boundaries, especially when interacting with men. While she made friends and dated, she remained intentional about protecting herself and avoiding situations that went against her beliefs.
Lumati revealed that she got married at the age of 27 and had never slept with any man before marriage. She acknowledged that her choice attracted criticism, with some people labelling her unusual for holding onto such values in modern society.
“It is okay to make friends, but then how are you taking care of yourself? And do you have boundaries? My body count is one. Before then, no man touched me. People think that I am crazy,” she said.
She observed that premarital sex has become widely accepted and normalised, making those who choose abstinence feel pressured or judged. However, she maintains that choosing to wait should be respected just as much as any other personal decision.
“With the current society, sleeping with people is normalised and prevalent. If you are not having it, you are the one with a problem, while it should be vice versa.”
Hildah Lumati is the author of Married a Virgin, a book that discusses purity, relationships and faith-based values.
