TikTok star Ajib Gathoni has advised couples to stop normalising emotional and relationship struggles, saying many people are raised to believe that hardship is part of love.
In a podcast on Wednesday, December 10, 2025, she said this belief often creates unhealthy situations.
“No, guys, stop romanticising struggles,” she said while speaking about how some relationships turn toxic because of pressure around who should lead.
Ajib explained that many people grow up being told that men must always lead while women follow. She said that when this dynamic changes, some men may react in extreme ways. According to her, the pressure can push someone into harmful behaviour or make them feel like they have failed. She noted that when a man does not feel in control, it can create tension that easily turns unhealthy.
She said, “We are born to believe, or rather, we are taught to believe that men are the leaders. Like men lead, women follow.”
Ajib added that when the situation is reversed, there are usually two possible outcomes. She said one of them is the man becoming angry because he feels he is not fulfilling what he was taught to be.
Why she believes struggle should not be normalised
Ajib warned that some men may respond with violence when they feel they are not leading.
She said, “Also, I stand corrected, but I think this might go two ways, right? This man might turn out to be completely violent because now he hates himself for not having to lead. For having to have this woman lead him now.”
She added that in such cases, he may not care about anything around him and may take out his frustration on the relationship. Ajib explained that this happens because “the truth of the matter is, they are not able to do it,” which may push them into anger.
She also explained a second outcome. According to her, the man may “nyenyekea and be a little boy and say yes to whatever you say.”
She and her co-host Martina, said they do not believe in struggling with someone and urged couples to stop seeing hardship as something to celebrate.
